How to Reignite Intimacy After Having Kids

Having kids can bring immense joy, but it can also put a strain on your relationship. Discover how to prioritize intimacy, communicate effectively, and manage stress to strengthen your bond with your partner. Learn practical tips and strategies to rekindle emotional and physical intimacy, and make your relationship thrive again.

Alexis Testa, LMHC

12/28/20242 min read

woman in white dress lying on white bed
woman in white dress lying on white bed

Let's face it, having kids can be a real intimacy-killer. I mean, who needs romance when you're up to your eyeballs in diapers and sleepless nights? But seriously, maintaining intimacy after having kids is crucial for a healthy relationship. So, how do you rekindle the spark?

Communication is Key (No, Really, It's Essential)

First things first, you need to make time for each other. I'm not talking about a quick peck on the cheek while you're both rushing to get the kids to school on time. I'm talking about a real, honest-to-goodness date night. Schedule it in, just like you would any other important appointment. And when you're on that date, make sure to talk about something other than the kids. I know, it's hard, but trust me, it's necessary.

But communication isn't just about scheduling date nights. It's about talking openly and honestly about your desires, needs, and feelings. Don't assume your partner knows what you're thinking. Tell them. And don't be afraid to listen to what they have to say either. Remember, intimacy is a two-way street.

Rekindling Emotional Intimacy (It's Not Just About Sex)

Emotional intimacy is just as important as physical intimacy. It's about feeling connected to your partner on a deeper level. So, how do you rekindle that emotional spark? Start by showing affection and appreciation. It can be as simple as a hug, a kiss, or a thank-you note. These small gestures can go a long way in maintaining emotional closeness.

Another way to rekindle emotional intimacy is to practice empathy and active listening. Make an effort to understand and validate each other's feelings. And don't be afraid to create shared rituals, like a weekly dinner or bedtime routine. These special traditions can help foster a sense of connection and intimacy.

Prioritizing Physical Intimacy (Because, Let's Be Real, It's Important)

Physical intimacy is an essential part of any romantic relationship. But let's be real, it's not always easy to find the time or energy for it after having kids. So, how do you prioritize physical intimacy? Start by making time for regular intimacy. It doesn't have to be a long, drawn-out affair. Even a quick connection can be beneficial.

Another way to prioritize physical intimacy is to explore new ways to be intimate. Try new positions, sensations, or activities to keep things exciting. And don't forget to practice self-care and self-love. Taking care of your physical and emotional needs can help you feel more confident and connected to your partner.

Managing Stress and Fatigue (Because Sleep is Essential)

Let's face it, having kids can be stressful and exhausting. But it's essential to manage that stress and fatigue to maintain intimacy. So, how do you do it? Start by sharing parenting responsibilities. Divide childcare tasks to reduce stress and increase quality time together.

Another way to manage stress and fatigue is to take breaks and practice self-care. Make time for individual relaxation and rejuvenation. And don't forget to prioritize sleep and rest. Aim for 7-8 hours of sleep to help regulate stress hormones and increase energy.

Seeking Support and Guidance (Because You Don't Have to Do It Alone)

Finally, don't be afraid to seek support and guidance. Consider couples therapy to help you navigate challenges and strengthen your relationship. Join a parenting support group to connect with others who face similar challenges. And read relationship books and articles to stay informed about relationship dynamics and strategies for maintaining intimacy.

Remember, every relationship is unique, and it may take time to find the right balance. Be patient, communicate openly, and prioritize your connection to improve intimacy after having kids.